If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
