I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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