My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
home. puking in laundry basket.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
