so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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