it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize