dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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