I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
