Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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