Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
