You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
