don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
