She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Someone signed my nipple.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
