thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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