When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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