when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is it penis luge time yet?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize