if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
