So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
