My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
