wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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