when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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