Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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