quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
