After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
