There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
