I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize