hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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