I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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