I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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