im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
