so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
