So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize