Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I AM VODKA MAN
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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