It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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