FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
