His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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