found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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