I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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