I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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