At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
