so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize