I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
