I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
