Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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