why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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