IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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