i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
