Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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