she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize