If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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