I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
