Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
