Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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