In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
