That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I touched a dick in church today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
