pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
