its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
