So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
