I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
