so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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