It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
