My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
