um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
