i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
