By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
