you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
false alarm. still invincible.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
