and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
