I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
