he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
