so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
