I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
