just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i barfeds in our rink
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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