college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
