1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
