If that was your dad, he is hot
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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