bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
