Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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