census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
