I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
