i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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