i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She is in my trunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
