Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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