All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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