dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
