He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
