I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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