the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
