and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
