please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
