I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this will be a night to untag.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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