I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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