Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont even know how to be here
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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