i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
