When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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