Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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