No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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