remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
