ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
