I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
