I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
