I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize