JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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