he thought i was a dude.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
