ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
